Sunday Love...........

Sunday was absolutely divinely gorgeous! Wow! We found ourselves needing to be outside as much as possible, soaking up the sun's rays before winter truly hits. 

On Saturday Colby asked me if I remembered the playground that we go to sometimes, that has a castle and animals and a store. It took me a minute or two to figure out what he was talking about. So today we decided to head on over to Linvilla Orchards. You see I live in the suburbs, actually I live in a small town. In order to see country life, we can take a drive less than 10 minutes away and head on over to Linvilla. There they have chickens, ducks, turkeys, goats, sheep, horses and emus (yeah not exactly your typical farm animal). They also have lots of fresh produce, pick your own patches, cut your own Christmas trees and much more. 

We got there and it was pretty packed. People were coming to embrace the glorious day and enjoy the festivities. Hayrides, bonfires, tree cutting, and the last of the candied apples (well at least that was what my Caleb was eager for.) The boys had fun playing on the many wooden climbing creations, running through the maze and feeding corn to the animals. 

After all of that we picked out a tree to take home, yahoo!! Now we can have it up in time for 2 boys birthdays and Christmas. I think this is earlier than usual for us. We are excited! 

Anyway, just wanted to share a bit of our lovely day and put up a few pics. Friday the boys went to another really cool wooden playground with their dad, that we call Lincoln Log Town. Here are Clark and Colby.

The moral law is for all time.........(???????????)

Oh really??? Is it? But isn't Christ the end of the law? Some would say, 'well yes for salvation'.  Is that even in the Bible? Sounds made up to me. But it also sounds sad to me as if salvation is just one glorious moment in time and then we go back to the Old Covenant method of seeking perfection through attaining our own righteousness, which isn't even possible in the first place. 

C'mon people don't you even understand what the purpose of the law was? To seduce you to sin! Yup! To stir up the sin in you. That is the whole dang point of the law. So you are telling me that the moral law is for the 'believer' the born again Christian who now has a new nature and doesn't want to sin anymore, you are saying that the moral law is for them to follow. How ludicrous is that? Have you read your bible? (try reading Col. 2:14) Hello - what part of 'end' don't you understand? 

Once the law does it's job and brings you to the point where you know you need a Saviour cause there ain't no way on earth you could ever possibly measure up to the law's demands, then the law has had it's way with you and you no longer need it! Now you have come to Jesus and accepted His complete work, part of that being that He fulfilled the law so you don't have to!! How great is that! But yet you want to revert back to those cold stone tablets of the law as if they have one single thing to offer you. Nope! The law cannot save you, nor can it make you holy or righteous. 

So if you are suggesting to me that I am to follow the moral law, which by the way when you are dealing with the law you are dealing with it as a whole. You can't divide it up and pick and choose here people. God's law is God's law. So you want to hold on to that moral law, well let's see what that really means. How about the command to 'remember the sabbath'? It says on that day you shall do NO work. NONE! How many of us get up on the quote on quote Sabbath day and literally do NO work? Hmmmmmm. Is this subjective? Do we get to decide what no work is? Do we get to say well the times have changed? No, God's law is God's law. If you want to follow it - freakin' take it seriously!!! Perhaps a study of Jewish culture would do you some good. 

Okay so yes I am a bit miffed - but here's the thing, Jesus paid the price for you and for me to go free. To be dead to the law and to sin, and alive to Christ. Are we suggesting the law was better? Are we suggesting by wanting the law still that Jesus wasn't enough? Hmmmmmm. Enough said.............

Thankful heart and full of art............

This is my Colby. He is an artist. Every day he comes home from school with tons of his artwork. He puts it all on the fridge, and then heads off to create more art! I absolutely adore this child and his enthusiasm for what he loves to do! It is a blessing to watch my budding artist. So imagine to my surprise when he came home with the above hand crafted turkey stating the things he is thankful for. The first one on the left says, I am thankful for my family, the next one, I am thankful for my mom and my dad, then the next one, which delighted me so said; I am thankful for God. And last but not least, I am thankful for Jesus (spelled jesius). How does that bless a mother's heart!!!! (and he goes to a public school folks.) 

On that note, may you all have a very truly blessed Thanksgiving enjoying family, friends, food and fun!!! Peace to all!!!

Beautiful Boys...........

Since I am terrible at putting text in with photos, I will keep it safe and just type captions here from top to bottom. Today was an absolutely gorgeous fall day! Leaf raking at it's finest!! Mm hmm. The top pic is of Caleb with his green cast, and his buddy Jake (who I am practically raising right along with my own four), Christian in the red cap and Colby, best buds currently, they adore each other, Clark with the cutest dirty face looking handsome in stripes, and of course my baby, ain't he sweet. Hoping to add a few more pics later as they come along.........

Walk by the Spirit..........

I found this over at Candace's place and had to steal it! Check it out!!

More preaching from Bertie.........

Last night I had the privilege of going to hear Bertie Brits speak, this time a bit closer to home in Northwest Philadelphia. The church that held the meeting was also an Indian fellowship, and when I entered the sanctuary I quickly realized I was THE ONLY white woman there, without a sari and head scarf. Very cool! Thankfully, I sat on the right side, as I also quickly noticed the men were on one side and the women on the other. We only sang one song in english, then several in, well forgive me, but whatever dialect, not sure if it was Hindi or not. I actually was quite thrilled to be fellowshipping with like minded believers yet of a whole different culture. It's a beautiful thing!! 

Bertie was on fire last night! Yow! He was preaching to a much larger crowd than on Friday night, and he was preaching with a translator. He reiterated a lot of what he shared on Friday, and really just spelled out the radicalness of the Gospel with such passion it was powerful! He started out in Rom. 5:19, and explained how it's not your disobedience that made you a sinner. We were born sinners, because of one man's sin. It is also not through your obedience that you were made righteous. Through the cross and Jesus shed blood you were made righteous, and born into newness of life. So it's important to see that our good works or efforts have nothing to do with our righteousness. 

You simply cannot measure temperature with a ruler, you measure it with a thermometer. In the same way good works can never measure holiness. The Cross is the way to measure your holiness. Praise God!!!  Salvation is NOT a process, it WAS a process and Jesus completed that process. It was finished!!!

He also read in Luke 24, about how the two men were walking on the road to Emmaus and Jesus found them and they were sad. So there is a way to perceive the 'Word' with sadness. If you view it in the wrong way it will produce sadness. But after Jesus shared the 'Word' with them, they said did not our hearts burn within us. When we read scriptures pertaining to Jesus our hearts should burn within us. That is the true 'Word of God'.  It is what Jesus came to do for you. If a word you read is not God's love for you, it's not the Word of God, because God IS love. Jesus was full of grace and truth. If your message is not full of grace and truth, it is not the Word of God. 

Then he went on to James 1:23 and talked about what being doers of the Word really means. Now that he had laid a foundation for what the 'Word of God' is, he said it does not mean be doers of the law. Being a doer of the Word, means being a partaker of what Jesus has done for you, and of no condemnation.  Then he went on to explain how it's not just the 10 commandments that believers try to assume is doing the Word of God, but any rule you come up with in the church and put on people. He also said, 'Now I am going to shock you - God gave the law so you can sin more!'  Think Romans 5:20. If you want to sin more, get more rules. 

What followed was hilarious. He started giving examples of how the church makes up rules, but then can't even follow them, and often they are not even in the Bible, and even if they were they should not be trying to live by them. The church was laughing quite a bit during this part. He really shook some religious mindsets I am sure. 

Unfortunately, I had to leave before it was over, cause my nose was running like a faucet and I was sneezing my head off. Ugh. As I got ready to leave, standing outside of the sanctuary, wishing I didn't have to go, the pastor approached me. He asked how I came to be at the meeting, and I explained how I followed Bertie's teaching. He kindly invited me to visit them anytime. I am glad I was able to go, it was a lovely experience altogether despite my overactive sinuses. 

Also, Bertie asked this question and now I ask you; "What is the perfect law of liberty?".............

Freedom awaits............

Come to me, you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest -take MY yoke upon you, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light- all true change will be effortless because of my life in you -do not submit yourself back under a yoke of slavery, which is the law, the ministry of death and condemnation - the strength of sin is the law, but where there is NO law there is no awareness of sin, I am the end of the law, I will not point out your faults-where my spirit is, there is freedom-so again I say to you who are tired and thirsty, in me there is such freedom-what are you waiting for! 

Love ~ Jesus

Bertie Brits............

Last night I had the privilege of hearing Bertie Brits preach, about an hour and a half away from my home. I was accompanied by Chetana,  the lovely woman I had run into earlier in the week. We had awesome fellowship and conversations the whole way there. I am so glad she could come with me. 

When we got to the church we quickly realized that the hosting church was mostly Indian, and Chetana was thrilled as she is also Indian. Just another kindness of God, 'eh. We enjoyed some time singing and then the pastor of the church briefly spoke before he introduced Bertie. This man was in love with Jesus and thrilled to share about Jesus with us. I enjoyed hearing his passion to share that the whole Bible speaks of the one man Jesus! 

Then Bertie came up to preach. I had a smile on my face the entire time I think. He spoke the truth and preached the Gospel in all it's purity and with such vigor. It was funny cause he confirmed a lot of what Chetana and I had discussed on our ride up. It just reminded me, we really cannot help but speak of what we have seen and heard. This message truly is GOOD NEWS. It's not too good to be true, it's so good because it is SO TRUE!!! I really truly never tire of hearing of it!! 

I jotted down a few things Bertie said that to me were power packed quotes (perfect facebook statuses, hee hee). He talked about how we were so valuable to God. He said; 'The value of something is what you are willing to pay for it. You have such value to God because of what He was willing to pay for you!'  I just think that is so powerful and so comforting. He also said, and I have heard Joseph Prince share this too, and I really need to keep being reminded of this; 'If change is not effortless it will never last.'  How true is that?!! It's not our efforts EVER, folks. It is always Him iniating through us. I love that - freeing indeed! He also described the flesh, or being in the flesh as the same thing as being under that law. That was important for me to see it that way. 

After he spoke he invited people up for prayer. Both Chetana and I went up. When Bertie prayed for me, first he asked me my name. I said, 'Lydia'. He said, 'Oh you're Julie's friend!" Julie had just spoken with Bertie earlier in the day, and told him to look out for me!  Bertie had stayed with Aaron and Julie just this past March when he came to minister at their church. He also has contributed to Julie's blog as well. Anyway, I asked him to pray for some health issues I have had for some time. He did, and then he told me to put my hand on my stomach and he prayed for the issues in my stomach, of which I had not told him about. That really meant a lot to me. I have had such troubles with my gut in the past year and half or more. It has been one of my most frustrating issues, but I had forgotten to ask for prayer, since it wasn't currently bothering me. So that really blessed me, it showed me God was looking out for me!! 

All in all it was a fabulous evening. So wonderful to be in a fellowship of like minded believers knit together by this glorious Gospel! I hope to get out to hear him again on Sunday, when he will be in Philadelphia! I highly recommend checking out Bertie's teaching! 

(sorry about the quality of the photo, we took it from Chetana's cell phone)

Paul's nuggets............

This evening while watching Colby's swimming lesson, I had a moment to read a whole 5 pages of Paul Walsh's book, "The Bonsai Conspiracy", that I am slowly eeking my way through. I have become somewhat of a geek, and carry a yellow highlighter in my purse. Indeed it's true. The reason being, is that Paul drops so many gold nuggets worth quoting and repeating. Soooo, I feel compelled to share some of his words of life. 

"Sanctification, it is not a progressive rectification of one's behaviour but a progressive recognition of one's new identity." 

"We can safely say that, the extent to which we become aware of our oneness or Union with Him, we become the express image and likeness of the Person of Christ, expressing His love and purposes through us towards others. In other words, we are the means by which the image of the invisible God manifests, expresses and ministers Himself to His world." 

"Love is not even an emotion. Love is not a feeling. Love is a Person - The Person - God himself loving. "

Perhaps I will post a few more later, right now my Colby is starving and begging me for food. Must be because of the swimming.........

One blessing after another......

"From the fullness of His grace, we have all received, one blessing after another" ~ John 1:16. This was my facebook status yesterday, and today I received yet another blessing! Unfortunately, these days I have to have for myself an attorney. Yup, indeed. And unfortunately, I have to pay that attorney and that is not a very doable thing in my life right now. However, today, I arrived at my attorney's office only to discover that an anonymous person decided to not only pay my bill, but also to prepay my attorney for further time. Cha ching! I sat there momentarily in shock, elated as all get out inside, but wondering who on earth could this person be. 

The truth is, I know ultimately this was a gift from God, yet again, showing himself faithful and strong in my weakness. I am actually living, in the reality of this verse. God is good folks! He just is! 

It's funny too, because back when I was all worn out in the midst of an accumulation of trials, Becca said this; "Oh the glory of the chaos. I have experience my own unique versions of the insanity you are going through and I have to say that in the midst of it all isn't it kinda exciting?! I am serious. It's like, wow, something is happening. I know that when there is opposition (that includes waste and meaness from those close to you) that there is a certain shifting and stirring in the spirit and it is manifesting in the physical. That means something is happening. It's like a bunch a hard knocks before the egg cracks open and new life emerges from its shell. All I can really say is be excited. There are cool things emerging. God's up to something yet again! " 

At the time, I couldn't get excited, I was too worn out. BUT NOW, I am seeing what she was saying - she was declaring a word to me that at the time I just did not sense would be my reality just days later! So yet again, I have learned something so valuable, and yet again, I have seen my Daddy lavish me with love and provision yet again! I am dazed and amazed! (Just imagine me squealing and beaming and jumping around for joy, and dancing in my kitchen as I dwell on this wonderful news.) 

It's just like God to prove Himself to me in the midst of the chaos. To lift my weary soul and to thrill me into a deeper love and amazement of who He is!! I am just tickled pink! So whoever you are, if you are even reading this post, I thank you with an exuberant thanks. God just loved me super duper big through you!!!!!!! May you enjoy the delight of being such a great blessing to me!!!!!!!

(oh and a side note - I figured out how to restore my blog - yippee!!!)

Through the eyes of a mother............

God has been showing me much of himself lately, through my momma eyes. It's delightful to me to get to know him better as He molds this mother's heart. My kids are my world these days, and I am beginning to see the way God must see us, his children, as I raise my boys. 

My kids bring me joy every day in some way or another. Christian, my delightful two year old, has been my constant buddy lately. He has the remnants of the flu still, along with what seems like a cold on top of it. Often he is at my feet. Literally. Or on my legs, shoving his head through, or trying to climb up them. Ha! He just wants to be held, to be loved. Lots and lots of cuddling and kisses have been had by the pair of us, and he is quite the bear hugging boy! I wouldn't trade it for the world, though I do just long for him to be better again. I often swoop him up and tell him that he is the best ever!! 

Clark, my quirky curious four year old, lately has had a nasty cough. It's a sad sad thing for such a skinny little boy to be hacking up a lung all day long. I can only imagine how much his chest and back hurt from coughing like that. He has been a trooper though, whiney, yes, but hanging in tough for sure. He is such a loving child. He loves to tell me he loves me so much at any given moment and will walk into the room with arms spread for a hug and a kiss quite often. Every time he and I part ways, he has this little routine. "I love you too, you're cute and beautiful! Bye! See you later, have fun!"  He then of course insists I tell him also to,  "have fun or have a good day!" And then repeatedly hugs and kisses me. Sadly though, I have noticed this practice is somewhat waning. One day, he won't say goodbye in that way, but for now I will cherish each lingering goodbye, Clark (age 4) style. I often swoop him up as well, while squeezing and tickling him, telling him, that he is the best ever! 

Colby, my artistic and descriptive 6 year old, has been blessing me big time. He comes home from school and immediately does his homework, very eagerly I might add. He is learning how to read more fluently and it is a joy to observe. He is really growing up! Just yesterday, he took on a school project with zeal all on his own. Not long after he had started, and it's not usually like me to not 'oversee' such affairs, he came bounding up to me, eager to share his creation. Honestly, I was impressed. (as all mothers must be I am sure.) Truly, he had crafted a work of art all with his own ingenuity. I was so delighted!!! He was overjoyed!!! I told him that he was very creative and he too, the best ever!!!!!

Caleb, my social networking 10 (almost 11) year old, is getting older than I care to admit. He has become much more independent this year, mainly with his social life. He has embraced public school whole heartedy after having only been home schooled all his life. I am proud! Just Monday however, he came home, crying holding his arm. My momma instincts told me this was serious. I immediately took him to the E.R. and we soon found out he in fact had fractured his wrist. This, was our first ever, broken bone of our family. He was quite the trooper the whole time. Even though it was a trial, he and I bonded in a way that was precious. He seemed to mature a whole ton just through this experience. I was amazed! I truly think he too is the best ever!!! 

Each child delights me so, each child is my favorite! I just see so much of God's heart for me, as I ponder the love I have for my little treasures. I am so grateful to see His heart doesn't change for me ever despite what circumstances or choices I may make. He constantly adores me, and thinks I am the best ever!! I just value the way I see him through mother's eyes..........................!!!

For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.............

I cannot be silent, or the rocks will have to cry out in my place. I told you all at least once before, I have a big mouth. I can't shut up once I get going. So sue me.

I was out in front of my home enjoying the fall afternoon, as my 4 year old played happily with the neighbor girl, and another neighbor's cat. Waiting for my older 2 to walk home from school, I heard a woman call my name. I turned around to behold a lovely woman with whom I used to attend church with. We approached one another and paid our greetings. However, what ensued, was a surprise to me. 

This was yet another one of those times when I had to explain why I no longer attended that church, along with why I no longer attend ANY church. I cut to the chase and didn't mince words. What can I say? I gotta be real. So I just told the bold, honest to goodness truth.If it ain't Jesus plus nothing, I don't want it. Amazingly, she was very receptive to what I had to share, and we ended up deeply engaged in rich conversation. 

I found myself eagerly and passionately sharing many elements of the beauty of the Gospel in it's blatant truth. YES!! I was invigorated, too hot to handle! If you would have touched me you would have sizzled. Ahahaha!! The Gospel really is just such GOOD NEWS!!  I simply cannot help but speak of all that God has shown me. It's compelling for sure, to say the very least. I was simply jazzed that someone actually wanted to hear. Truly sucked up the life in my very words. How cool is that!!! 

Needless to say, when all was said and done, I was quite HIGH. I came into my house quite elated and began to dance around as happy as a clam. This is what Peter and John must have felt like when they shared all that they had seen and heard. Totally compelled by a fire that burns within. I am bursting with life to share with the world, aren't you?!!!!!!!!!!

Our trek through the woods......

What a blissful day it was in these here parts! It couldn't have been a more glorious day in November. We have this fabulous arboretum near our home that we like to go to and hike. This year they had built various tree houses all about the property that you could go and visit. So after having been cooped up in the house for nearly 2 weeks, I gathered my ducklings (and one extra) and we headed out to trek in the woods. (I only wish wish wish, I had had a camera.) 

I love this place, it holds much mystique and wonder, yet familiarity as well. I grew up going to Tyler Arboretum. We'd often go on a Sunday afternoon just for a pleasant walk in the woods. I thought about how one day maybe my kids would treasure the memories of our many visits. I sure hope so, sometimes these days it feels like pulling teeth to get everyone on the same page for a family outing. I truly hope one day they will treasure it like I do now. 

I remember, as a child,  upon getting there, we would go to this hollowed out tree stump where people would leave sticks perfect for walking with. That no longer exists, but my kids love to go into the little registration house, full of delightful trinkets, books, bird guides, and animal paraphenalia just to get THE MAP.  Specifically, my middle two, all of 4 and 6, love to look at the map and then guide us on our journey. Hee hee, good thing there are signs along the way with arrows. 

Many local sponsors and carpenters rallied together to create a delightful array of treehouses. The first one I don't like to go into, it's steps are too steep with a rope railing and I have steep stair issues. The boys tease me, but I don't mind. Then on to the next one, which is the ideal dream backyard treehouse for every boy in America. I personally like this one the best. It has two levels, and the second level (which I also will not go up) has a spiral staircase up to a tiny platform with a flag, like a lookout. It's so cool!!! I just know they feel like they are on top of the world up there! Then after I get over my anxiety as they finally descend the last teeny tiny one of the steep steps, we head on through the woods to the next exhibit. Crunch, crunch, shuffle, shuffle. Leaves are piled up pretty deep, and we all get to do the honorary fall leaf rustle march. ( I LOVE crunching and shuffling through fall leaves, I feel like a kid every year in the fall!!!!!!!) Our next stop is at a house, made out of a tree in the shape of a guitar that you can go inside and actually play music. It's rather ingenious! Although more for the littler kids enjoyment, I must admit I'd love me one of these in my backyard!! 

Next is what the older boys say is for girls. It's like a place to have a woodland tea party. Clark and Christian would gladly sit and play for awhile, but since big boys are along, we hurry past that site this time. Headed this time, to the tallest of the tree houses, certainly not for the faint of heart (when it comes to heights that is.) Oh yes, I have climbed this one before, but not this time. I just chill out with Christian as the older boys do just what older boys do. Run. On a very tall tree platform, as their mother pretends not to notice and not to have a heart attack. 

Five boys safely down the tree, on the path, we head to MY FAVORITE, the vegetable garden. The most dreamy garden ever, that only suits exactly what my imagination has contrived all these years. If I ever have a garden, this is exactly what I want. Think Hobbits. Think the Shire. Yes, it's that dreamy!! But alas, it is November and the garden is being put to bed for the winter. Sigh. The boys do not seem to mind however. As we tread on down the path past the garden, the boys hop along the tree stump play area toward the pond. 

Right along the outskirts of the pond lies Thoreau's cabin. Yes, a replica of the cabin he built himself long ago. It's delightfully cozy inside the tiny one room cabin with a tiny loft, and smells delightfully of wood. I do believe the boys would die to have such a cool little cabin to play in everyday. In and out though, we have places to go, as we continue to march along to the POND. 

Boys and water, are a curious combination. It's a miracle no one has delved in those murky, lilly pad infested waters. 

No more geese, must be on their way south for the winter.........or maybe not yet perhaps, but just out and about. The turtles were, however, basking happily on their logs,  faithful to not disappoint us. Somehow, several boys came upon sticks that made their way into the water. Perhaps an attempt to fish, or to just get in there, as if looking into the water weren't enough. Finally satisfied with what the pond had to offer, we carry on, this time up a hilly path. Our destination, the meadow maze. 

Two little tired boys make our hike a bit challenging, but one on my back and one in his umbrella stroller chariot escorted by two 1o year old boys, and we reach the peak of the hill, all a bit panting, yet eager to enter the maze. The meadow maze is now at it's most fun, as the grasses are as tall as I am if not taller. The boys eagerly trod along the mown path hoping to figure out the secret way into the center of the labyrinth. I decide to let them choose their own path, for adventure's sake of course, as I decide to cut to the chase and let my momma instincts guide me directly to the heart of the maze. Once there, I walk up the plank of the woodland meadow maze exhibit and wave to the boys to lead them on in. Not long after they all race their way to me, and enjoy running along the carefully crafted wood plank exhibit. Displaying various animals in their habitat, all made out of nature.  Quite artistic I must say. Jake, my boy's friend, assures me that he knows the way out and to follow him. So off we go again back to the path that will this time lead  us toward our journey home. 

I simply cannot describe the satisfaction that comes with experiencing a day like this with my family. I am full of joy just being able to share such a special place like this with my boys. I treasure each memory, each curiousity, each discovery, they all bring me back to when I was a kid and they also take me into the future as I wonder how my boys will recall such times one day. Such blissful days are the days we have with our young ones!!!!!!

Technical Difficulties.............

What can I say? I am having 'technical difficulties' at the moment. Unfortunately, my blog was deleted the other day, much to my dismay.  Now I am forced to redo much of the work I have done on it over the years. Also, my last post keeps 'disappearing' on me. Rather frustrating I must say. 

So please bear with me as I face these complications..................................................

The path I am on............

So I think it's time to share some of my life with you all. I'm just gonna get really good and transparent, open and real. Not that I have a problem with being open, actually I have quite the opposite problem - how to not say TOO much. That's right I have a big mouth - oy! Anyway, I have been walking through a season of life that has been rather intense and messy. Most christians would not understand, most certainly not my old church, but that's a whole 'nother story. 

I feel as though I have to go back in time a bit in order to share my current situation. Two years ago, in the summer of '07, I had reached the point of desperation, I was so fed up with trying to survive my marriage and my life, I threw my hands up in the air and left my husband and ignored all my church peeps and went to our home which was for sale in another state. It was then and there that God's glorious gospel of grace burst forth in my heart in bright array. Understanding His love and the truth of His grace set me so free on the inside that I really began to see the weight of the muck I had been in. The heavy condemnation from my church and my husband, as well as trying to survive living with an alcoholic. Because of His grace I knew I could not stay at my old church, and because of his grace I felt I could embrace the difficulties with my husband. 

Initially, I had a lot of fighting to do to keep this message primary and to deny all the opposition that came my way. It was brutal! Absolutely brutal! Yet somehow, the joy I felt inside overshadowed the darkness that I was experiencing. The challenge was,  getting rid of old lies I had been taught, and standing up to someone who thought it was okay to torment me from sun up to sundown on a daily basis. It sure was not the prettiest of times on the outside, but underneath it all He was permeating His life through me. Oh the joy of Christ! 

As time went on grace grew in me, came alive in me and I could never go back to how it used to be. (The slave woman was now the free woman!!) I wanted so desperately for that to be true for my husband too, but alas he continued to stay stuck. Really stuck. The kind of stuck where you begin to wonder if you should be a part of it, (without saying too much here). Thankfully, God gave me courage and spoke to my heart about how precious I am to him. One day, I had to take my stand and I did. 

This past May, a situation occurred that caused my husband and I to be separated (yet again, for about the 4th time or so). This was more my choice than his to be quite honest. I could no longer tolerate his choices that so deeply affected mine and my children's lives. 

So here I am, a single mom with 4 young boys, yet again standing up for freedom. The past 6 months have been full of complications and attempted condemnation to take me down. I have had to stand firm in the truth I know and not let fear and condemnation overcome me. It has been quite a challenging season, yet somehow I am happier than ever! 

I recently shared of some difficulties I have been going through, those were just the tip of the iceberg. Those came on top of heaps of challenges I have faced these past six months, which is why I grew so very weary. (yet did not faint, cause He is holding me, thank goodness!!) Thankfully, through this season God has become more real to me, more dear to me and I would not give that up for anything. He has broken through time and time again, when I have been beaten down again and again. He has been so good and so faithful!!

One of the challenges I have faced recently was having my car taken away from me, and not being able to do anything about it. That's not a fun place to be these days with 4 kids, as most can well imagine. I am already in a pickle in so many ways, and then my car gets ripped right out from under my nose to boot. I certainly have not enjoyed this situation, but my Daddy knows my needs and meets them. Just when I was really feeling the pain of having no car and having to be very needy, He broke through.

Just yesterday, my brother called me, which is very rare. He told me he wanted to come over and visit, I obliged. He asked me if I needed anything, such as groceries picked up. I said, 'I need a car!' (since I was feeling rather desperate about it).  Anyway, he came over and visited with the boys a bit, then told me he actually had a reason for coming over. I said, 'Ok'.  He said, 'I recently got this idea, and I thought it would work, and now I know it will work and.......' Then he handed me car keys. Yes car keys!! He gave me a car!! Not only that, but he had just gotten it inspected the day before so it is fully inspected for one year, full tank of gas, along with a gas car and will cover my insurance for now. He made all this happen, in addition to getting his own  family another car to replace the car he was giving me. All within one week's time (that was when he got the idea, a week ago.) CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!!  I just stood there in shock, and all I could think was God you really really do love me!!!! Wow!! 

This is just one of the many examples of how God has cared for me through this time. I have had to fully lean on Him for provision, and it has been scary. Scary, cause I cannot see how things will work out. But wonderful, because I really get to see Him keep His word to me and provide in ways I could never imagine. Folks when God says He promises to provide - HE MEANS IT!!!

I write all of this because I feel compelled to share my life with you all. Compelled to inspire, to encourage and to say, we simply can not mess up grace. We may think that because of grace our lives should start to look a certain way. Success should be ours in every area of life, namely relationships, right? I never would have thought I would be in this position in life, nor would I have ever wanted to be. Yet alas, here I am. I have found that we simply cannot choose for others, we can only choose to believe God for ourselves. Sometimes it takes much more for others to give up and run to Jesus, and some may never relent. As hard as that is to watch, and as painful as it is to be in the thick of with anyone, let alone your spouse, we can stand firmly rooted in His grace for us. There is only so much grace you can extend to one who chooses to destroy their lives and take you down with them, at some point you just have to release them to God and run to safety. That is the path I am on. 

So as I walk this road that is both challenging, scary and yet freeing as well, I ask you all to join me. I most definitely appreciate the way the body looks out for it's own, as many of you have so faithfully shown me time and time again. Shalom............

Progress.....

The christian who spends their life focused on their 'progress' (can you say most christians version of sanctification) are like children who are in a rush to grow up and always want to be bigger and older, but then one day they get older and realized they missed out on enjoying the journey, and all the moments that come day in day out, and they regret it and wish to do it all over. Our christian walk is not about progress, it's about living the life we have been given. Enjoying all the moments the highs, the lows.......in no hurry to become better with age. Seeing life through the lens of progress can rob you of the very life you are meant to indeed enjoy, and to benefit from the actual process. 

We don't need to focus on growth or progress, it will happen. My kids often come down in the morning and I noticed that they look bigger to me. They actually grew overnight, but had no thought of growing, nor did they try to grow or worry about the fact that they would grow. It just happens as a natural outcome of being a child that will grow to maturity into an adult. So too, will the christian who Christ inhabits grow up into who they are in time naturally. No amount of worrying about growth will help their growth. 

So people, in the words of one of my favorite preachers, just chill out, relax and enjoy your Daddy God!!! 

Peace to all who may stop by!

Dead men moral??

This was Matthew's status on facebook the other day, "What good is it to make a dead man moral?"  A very appropriate question to ask I'd say...

I think we all learned at an early age (that is if we grew up in a good christian home), the very basic truth about how we were dead in our trespasses and sins. I mean that was the precursor verse to present the Gospel to people, was it not? However, I think we focus on the sins part and don't look at the part about how we were DEAD. (Dead man walking should be the title of our life's journey, until we encounter Christ, 'eh.) Oh, anyway, I certainly never understood that I was dead. All my life, I was dead in my trespasses and sins, had I known I was dead, I think I'd want to know how to get the life I needed to be ALIVE. Well, wouldn't you? 

Instead, all my life, I tried to figure out how to make my life work, all my life, people tried to tell me how to be a better christian, mother, wife, daughter, person, friend and so on. I tried and miserably failed. I couldn't make my life any better, cause I didn't understand my core need. LIFE!! Not my own life, one whose life was capable of pleasing God perfectly - Christ's life. 

Just today I read the following portion of a quote in someone's facebook status; "To grow as a Christian is to have this new life increase in strength & energy, making daily conquests over the old nature, extending itself and expelling the evil, ultimately bringing these affections, feelings, desires, and thoughts of the heart into subjection to Christ." 

Here's the problem, if we know we were dead in our trespasses and sins, our very nature was spiritually dead, and when we come to Christ and receive new life in Him and become a new creation - is there room for the old nature? No the bible tells us, that the old is gone and the new has come. He removed our heart of stone (dead, not alive) and gave us a heart of flesh (alive). We no longer have the old we have the new. We are certainly not walking around with 2 natures, trying to let the new nature stomp out the old one. The old one is gone, there is no battle of the natures going on inside us. DUH!!! 

^{Colossians 2 ~ 9}For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, ¹⁰and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. ¹¹In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, ¹²having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead.

 ¹³When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, ¹⁴having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. ¹⁵And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.

²⁰Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: ²¹"Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? ²²These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. ²³Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. Col. 3 - ¹Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. ²Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Folks we do not live to be good, moral or better. We live to express the life of Christ that has been deposited within us, who is now our very life, our very identity.