Bumps in the road...........

Or perhaps I should title this post growing pains, I am not quite sure. Lately, my youngest son has went from going to bed in a crib easily every night, to climbing out a million times and me putting him back a million times. So naturally I decided it was time to get rid of the crib and put him in a big boy bed (don't have one yet, so he is currently camping out on a sleeping bag). Now the night time routine has drastically changed. I now have to lay down with him every night until he falls asleep. At first this took quite some time. He would try to sneak out of his bed, or play with me, wiggle and squirm, touch my face and all kinds of monkey business. Now he is falling asleep quicker and quicker. However, that doesn't mean it's all peaches and cream, he also now wakes up in the middle of the night around 4 or 4:30 and wants to get up for the day. He NEVER used to do this. It has been such a drastic shift and very difficult for me as I am getting way less sleep these days. I do see a slow progress however and I know this too shall pass. I would give it a few more weeks max and he should be on a good solid normal routine again, just naturally. Oh and I forgot to mention he gave up his nap too. Big bummer for mom! 

So the point in me sharing all this, is it got me thinking about our grace walk. You see I think we all hit bumps in the road at times, or even perhaps our growing up shifts dramatically and initially it doesn't seem so great. The thing is growing is not always so flawless if you know what I mean. When we find ourselves frustrated in our growth, we need to step back and realize this is just a season that we may be walking through to get to the other side. To get to a new place of maturity in our lives. This may not look like much to others but it truly can be revolutionary in our own lives as we just live and breath day in and day out depending on His grace to work it's way in us. 

So as a mommy of four, I can rest knowing this season will pass, we will get through these crazy waking hours and less sleep for my two year and all his new freedom as well. I also know that it will bring about benefits that we did not reap from before. No nap time may be hard in some ways but it is also very freeing. We are not bound to the house for several hours in the afternoon every day anymore. 

As you walk each day depending on grace, just remember when you hit a bump in the road not to let it bog you down. It is natural to hit bumps. They are even necessary as we grow up into who we truly are. May you be blessed and encouraged as you press on daily to live fully dependent on Him who holds and keeps you. Peace!

Organic growth.........

Lately, I have been feeling very unsettled. In spite of the wonder and revelation of who I am in Christ, I feel very complacent about where my life is headed. It's almost as if I am in the beginning stages of pregnancy, the joy is there, knowing a life is being formed, but the discomfort of first trimester is hovering over me. It's so consuming, I can't see my way through the fog of it. It's almost as if the joy is on hold, and I am waiting to get through this season. Second trimester is always more pleasant for me personally, (now remember this is an analogy here folks, I am NOT pregnant, just pregnant with life that God will soon bear out of me), it's more enjoyable and more REAL. The first flutters and kicks happen and that basketball belly begins to protrude more fully. Aah, it is usually more refreshing than the first trimester. Currently, I feel like, as if I am waiting to get through the stages of pregnancy to giving birth to new life!! I am not speaking of the life I already have, I am speaking of the life I am to live on this earth, bringing heaven to earth. 

In the thick of it all, I know something is happening inside of me, but I can't really see it. I can't feel the difference, though I can feel the pains of growth, yet there is no real outward evidence that anything is really going on. That has been hard for me. Just waiting. Trusting that His life is really being formed in me. 

Today, I felt fresh hope for the first time in awhile. The rain has not ceased around here, and the weather has been adding to my constant state of unease in general. Yet, I am learning to be quiet and still and content to a degree, but there is just this wrestling within me. It gnaws at me, and I long for it to be silenced and stilled. Although, I do believe that it is a good thing, this longing I have. I often ask the Lord to show me His plans for me, to lead me forward in life. I do not want to be complacent, but I feel as though I don't know what His assignment is for me. And isn't it true that men perish for lack of vision. AGH! Well, today, something triggered in me. Something that has been planted in my spirit and I believe is starting to sprout forth, and I think I am ready and excited to embrace this new idea God is leading me into. 

What a unique life this is, this life in Christ. Apart from Him I can do nothing. I really feel that. I really feel like what is the point of my life, if I am not only in Him, but He is  producing life out of me for the benefit of others. I never knew why I felt this way before, and it seems to grow stronger as the years pass on. This constant pang, that causes me to be uneasy when I can't see the plan unfolding, only because I so desperately want my life to matter. I want His life to be so fully expressed in mine that people are greatly blessed, transformed, saved, healed and Jesus is glorified all the more. At the same time, I want to be content with each new day as it is. Just revel in the new mercies of the day, just enjoying my fellowship with my Father. So I find this balance in my life, it's learning not to be satisfied with a small unpurposeful life, but yet to be content at where I am at, and enjoy each moment, each new day. Oy! That is quite an enigma, no? 

I am sure there are others who are experiencing this wrestling, this life of mystery. This walk of the spirit is so confounding to my mind at times. I simply cannot let my mind get in the way though and I often just throw my hands up in the air and say, I give up trying to figure this all out Lord. I trust you and your life in me. And let me tell you how many times I find myself saying this. It's daily, sometimes hourly. It's a journey of me learning to lean not on my own understanding, and learning to lean fully on His life in me. Honestly, I hope that someday this walk begins to flow more for me. I mean do you think, it's possible for my mind to get out of the way, and for me to just live so in union with the Spirit as my constant guide. I sure would like that. I sure believe that it is meant to be a continual growing process, within the context of relationship with Him. Much like in a marriage, the longer you have been together, the more likely you are to complete each other's sentences and know each others mood in an instant and understand what makes each other really tick. (or even just a close friendship, for those who aren't married, you just begin to know what makes your friend really tick!)

In light of all my ramblings here, I do believe that the Lord is weaving together the tapestry of my life and a beautiful pattern is emerging. He is revealing to me the next color that is going to be added in, and it may take awhile before  it will be visually appealing to the naked eye, but it is indeed a new fresh color to take delight in. I think perhaps what I may be trying to say, is that I am starting to see the benefit of the process and learning to be patient as I wait for Him to create and birth in me, what He has planned for me. A new level of contentment is coming forth in me. 

So today, I am reveling in the journey, the turn it is taking and the process as it unfolds, as slow as it may seem at times. I count it all joy! I learn from each new day, how to wait on the Lord. Wait on the Lord! That has such depth of meaning I never before comprehended. For I know the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me, and not to bring me harm. O God, you are indeed so good! I am learning to trust you and know that you have good things in store for me!! I love you!!!