Well as promised I continue my tales of the Women on the Frontlines Conference. Thursday night with Jim Goll was powerful! But Friday with Heidi Baker, was just as awesome, but in a different way. Both of these truly wonderful folks have such an obvious love for God that pours off of them. Heidi came to the conference totally jet lagged, missed a flight, didn't sleep and could barely walk up to the front. I couldn't believe she was even there! Apparently, she had arrived and several ladies, whom she knew just spent the entire worship time loving up on her and praying over her. When she came up to speak, she simply sat down on the steps to the podium and invited everyone to come up to the altar and just be close. As we all headed up she shared how we all just need each other, we just need to press in to His presence together. Heidi didn't really share an actual message, she just shared out of her heart. She shared how she felt so weak and so broken. She shared about some of her trials in Mozambique, and how recently she was robbed. All her technology was stolen, cameras, projects she was working on and a lot of her clothes.
Some of her affiliates went out to look for her stuff and the people that took it, and all they came back with were some of her clothes filled with bullet holes. She shared a testimony of a woman with gnarled hands, who couldn't really walk and had come to Heidi's home to beg for her help. Heidi was so honest about how she wished she didn't have to see this woman. She wished she could have her sight taken, it was too painful to look at. The woman also came with a pile of kids (that's what Heidi said), a pile of kids and she had no where to go. So Heidi welcomed her into her hut and told her she would figure something out for her. I really appreciated her pure honesty, in that she is essentially a missionary to these people in Mozambique, and sometimes she just can't handle the pain and trials that come. So the whole morning was about letting yourself be weak, and letting God just love you and fill you up. Fill up the broken vessels, so He can pour out through them! She did read from Scripture a bit, the one passage I remember was Colossians 1: 24- 29, Christ in you the hope of glory!! I just love that passage!!
Much of the time we just all worshipped and ladies prayed for one another. I met Jen from Lancaster, and we prayed together. I met Kathy from Maine and we talked about our challenges faced due to broken church situations. More and more people these days are experiencing deep hurts from church splits or break ups or whatever, it is far too common! I remember hearing Heidi saying, "Why can't we just be Christians, I just want to be a Christian, I just want to be Christ like." I don't remember why she brought it up, but I think she hit something that everyone else in the room felt. I guess my re-telling may not do this meeting justice. But what I believe came out of it was good for me in the sense of it made me aware of my need for the Body and how good it can be to be really raw and broken and real in a context like that, amidst people who can't help but care, instead of being with the sharks who will attack you while you are weak.
I was undone by Heidi Baker's total pure real open self, I just loved her!! Even though I didn't experience the intense supernatural tangibleness of God like I did at the conference with Bill Johnson, I think I learned how to allow myself to be broken, and be more okay with it, because God's glory can shine through us better when we surrender and are broken - does that make sense? I realized I wanted to be more free in this way, not in a condemning performance sort of way, but I just want to be me, and I sense that the Lord is breaking me in a way to be a carrier of compassion for other women who are hurting and don't know how to let it all hang out!! That was the whole point of the conference to get to a place to be a warrior of compassion, and how can I have that warring sense of compassion for others if I am not myself experiencing my own brokenness and need for the healing balm of the Lord and the Lord's tender mercy and compassion all over me first!!! I just really believe that we need to let ourselves be loved, let ourselves be weak, so His grace can pour out and shine through!! In other words as much joy and peace as I do have in my life, there are challenges, even persecution, in the sense that you know people are opposing you. But, it's worth it to go through, knowing it's all for Him and that He will heal our hearts and strengthen our hearts.
I guess this concludes my post, but I will continue in another post, about our time Friday night................................