So, what's the difference in my life since then, since I was living in confusion about who I was in Christ and how God felt about me?
Well, then, I lived often confused, often feeling like I wasn't ever good enough, like I wasn't mature and needed to somehow 'grow' and be more holy, have more discipline in my life.
Now, I know I am holy, set apart to God! He said it not me! I don't need to be sanctified, I already am. I can't do anything more or less to attain my status or change it! I am complete and whole in Him, PERIOD!! (My 'sanctification' if you will is just me getting a greater and greater hold on who I am, believing in the Truth and letting it do it's work in me)
Back then, I often felt depressed, but didn't know it. Endlessly emotional, tossed to and fro. Tired, mentally, physically and spiritually. Self-conscious and insecure. Struggling with fear of man and what I could do to please people.
Now, I am full of joy and totally know it!! I am happy and growing more and more stable as time rolls on. Physically energized, mentally stimulated and spiritually alive!! Christ conscious and VERY SECURE!! Now I do not give in to fear of man like I did back then. It's tempting, but no thanks!!
Back then, I was wary of people. I scrutinized everyone and often judged others in my heart. I had a hard time making 'real' friends and relating to others. My relationship with God was impaired. My relationship with my husband was wrought with angst and criticism. My relationship with my kids was more about correction and teaching them, than accepting and loving them.
Now, I see people as precious loved ones of a most High God. I am quicker to accept others and not regard them according to their flesh, but instead according to how God sees them. Whether saved or unsaved. I have some of the best friends I have ever had in my whole life, and can be totally real and honest with them. My relationship with God has never been better. We talk, we laugh, we grieve, dance, play and love together. My husband and I are now live in peace and happiness and no longer judge each other. I adore my kids and regard them as precious. I can't believe how much I love them and no longer view them as 'objects' to train and teach, but as unique individuals that I can nuture and encourage.
Then, I lived with a lot of guilt. Condemnation consumed me. I could barely function. I was uptight and grumpy often. I didn't know who I really was. Depression was my companion and I did not know how to get free from it.
Now, I am free from guilt, shame and condemnation. Not just in the sense that that is True in God's Word, but I am living in that truth now. And if condemnation ever comes my way, I stand up fight and it quickly goes. I function out of peace and just go with the flow of what each new day brings. Enjoying the fresh mercies God sends along daily. I am much freer and happier. Joy is my constant companion. I am beginning to find my true self, and all the passions I held inside are now bursting forth with fresh life!!
"Christ has set us
free to live a free life.
So take your stand!
Never again let anyone
put a harness
of slavery on you."
- Galatians 5:1