Saturday, May 23, 2009

On contentment........

Just when I thought I was learning to be content, God kindly showed me otherwise. Perhaps, I was happy with a level of contentment that I had never contained before now. But, why should I 'tolerate' or embrace so little? My deepest needs in life are met, and yet I still find myself focused on my circumstances, focused on how it's so difficult for me to lean back and trust every moment. I find that over the past 2 years I have learned so much, and I think to myself, wow, look at me soar!! When really I have so much more wonderful in store for me. I think this contentment thing must come in layers. Just as a child growing and learning, slowly becomes more competent in all of life. Many times one of my boys will learn something new and think, that now they 'know' how to do that, like a pro. Honestly though, do they know any better? From their perspective, they have just overcome the world!! 
Currently, one of my sons is taking swimming lessons. He is VERY fearful of the water. Anyway, after the first lesson or two, he (with a flotation device on) was happily swimming dog paddle around the pool, with no addtional (human) assitance necessary. As we drove home, he declared, "Mom I know how to swim now, I don't need lessons anymore."  Gee really?!! 
Fast forward to the next lesson when the teacher wanted to move on to the next skill, putting your head under water. This idea did not go over well with my son. NOPE!! Too uncomfortable, too unfamiliar, too scary. 
Well, here I am learning from this scenario in my son's life, and realizing that is me too. I have learned 'how' to live in freedom. Yup!! Just when I got good and comfortable and happy as a clam to preach to the whole world that I have got some serious freedom going on here folks, guess what? God says, "let's go deeper, let's plunge you in further."  I say, "but I am happily swimming in this freedom I have, it's fun, it's wonderful, it's nice. I do want more, but I think I got it for now, nope- God, I'm good." Can I just say, God really is the most amazingly kind and patient Father!! He doesn't give up on me, and faithfully shows me that together we can do this. He will lead me into 'swimming under water' so to speak. But I have to let go, I have to plunge my head under. But he won't let me sink, and won't let anything happen to me. When I finally relinquish the fear of the unknown, something amazing happens. I begin to realize, this isn't so horrible. God gently encourages me, "Okay, now Lydia, try it again, you can do it!!"  "Here goes!", and under I go. And each time I take that plunge, that step of faith, I realize I have overcome fear and have embraced trust. I have stopped making 'learning how to swim' a burden. I have chosen to let not my heart be troubled. 
And so as I walk on this journey, day by day, I learn His heart for me. He knows the plans He has for me, and they are good, to prosper me and not to harm me. If that is true, I CAN trust Him. I CAN be grateful and content in each moment, knowing he is holding me and he is molding me. It's all for His good pleasure!! 
I am finding lately, that he is being a very faithful gardener of my heart. Pruning away some old dead branches that won't allow me to flourish and be fruitful. And while it is painful, I can honestly say, He knows what He is doing, and I am learning to be grateful for His care of my heart!! 

No comments: