Tuesday, January 8, 2008

not sure what to think lately....

Well, finally I am bored with blogging.....I think it's because the last 2 days have been ultra magnificent weather wise, today it got close to 70....now this I can live with....I think I am in a place where I need to let all my reading and learning and research actually soak in deep.....for so long now I have been getting revelation after revelation and it's been fast and furious and exhilarating....but something happenend in my mind and I just need a break.....from too much thinking I guess.....I have enough in there to go on for months I suspect....I just want to live day to day and walk by the Spirit in all the ins and outs and goings on of my life.....I am so grateful to be moving on in my life, moving on from our old church and mentalities that really were harming us, though we didn't know it ......I feel freer and so much more at peace and relaxed.....I really don't get stressed out anymore, well maybe here and there a bit, like when I am trying to get all my crazy kids to bed so I can finally chill out, that kind of brief stress.......but I was contemplating just today with a friend, how locked up we used to be, in a cage, or a box....just because of the undue burdens placed on us, the heavy millstones we just couldn't bear.....but somehow just smiled and acted as though we were just fine, when really we were in a fog so thick we just couldn't see our way through or out.....I don't know if this makes sense.....I think this may be the most random post I have written yet.....regardless, it is my thoughts....I really am glad to be in a place where I am enjoying God, enjoying being a Christian maybe for the first time genuinely.....in the very core of who I am I stand so secure in Christ....so confident, not in me, but because I know He really truly loves me, just because He does......I wish I had known this long ago....would have saved me years of insecurity....but praise be to God, He captured my heart, again, this time so fully, so deeply I can say " I love You" to Him and really really mean it!

8 comments:

Joel Brueseke said...

Hey! I know what you mean here, in every way. There have been times in my life when I've been learning so much, and it's all been great and wonderful, and then suddenly I find that I'm not discovering and learning and receiving revelations, and I don't quite know what to think. And so it's a great time to just soak it in, like you say, and enjoy your life.

It's so very weird, after having been in such a place of discovery, to not be receiving such deep revelations, and it almost seems as if, "where is God?" "He was teaching me sooo much!" But it's one of those things where He, in His wisdom, has it all worked out, and it's ok to not be learning new things all the time. I don't know if this is exactly where you're at, but I've felt like this before and it's almost been scary at times. :) But yet so wonderful to just relax and know Him.

And the kids... no matter how much we are at peace in our relationship with God, they will find a way to keep life stressful... ;)

lydia joy said...

Thanks Joel, kina like slow cookin', huh......
Hey, how many kids do you have?

Bino B. Manjasseril said...

I can relate to what you are saying here and yes sometimes we just need to relax and probably we may not learn anything new for a while which I think is okay.

I liked your fog analogy where you said you couldn't see your way through. Thats is the problem of law.
The people who are under the law is under a veil of deception which is hiding the grace. Once that veil is removed, we see things in clarity.

16But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. (2 Cor 3)

Joel,

What you are saying is so true and I think I am going through that right now (often times wondering why isn't God teaching me anything new these days!). That was not the case 2 months ago. The other side of this is, I tend to fall in to the trap of 'duties' when this happens thinking that I need more Bible reading, quite time, sermons, books etc. But it doesn't work. I am learning that. Because it is the 'work of the flesh'. We cannot do anything in the energy of our flesh to be more spiritual.
God wants us to rest, rest in the fact that He is in control. Our spiritual capsules cannot really gives us the boost what we are looking for. Hey, I am learning that important lesson. Who said God is not teaching me anything new? :)

lydia joy said...

Bino,
Good stuff....and yes you are right, God is still teaching us even in these slow, still, revelation-less times.....good point to remember!!

Eileen said...

I think these times of rest are a gift too. We were so focused on WORKING and had so many spinning plates - caregroup, serving, Alpha, all great things, but so all-encompassing that there wasn't a lot of down time - that I think now that you're finally able to relax and enjoy Him, it's a whole different side to the relationship. And I think that's what makes it a normal, healthy relationship: being comfortable together just saying nothing.
I've enjoyed reading your blog and am so happy you're in a better place! :) Love, E

lydia joy said...

Yay, Eileen, by the way you look so pretty!! Yeah, I am happy too, for both of us!

Joel Brueseke said...

Lydia,

I've got a couple of little 'uns. Well, they were little, but growing way too fast at 7 and 9. :)

Bino,

I know all about that duty trap. I've got all this daily "free time" out on the road for my job and in the past I've been prone to feeling very guilty if I haven't "spent time with God" or if I haven't listened to one of the hundreds of mp3 messages that are on my mp3 player. Don't get me wrong, I love the time alone with God very dearly, but it can very easily become a duty and not a delight if we're not resting in Him. I used to think I always had to be learning something or finding out what I'm supposed to be doing.

Nowadays I've moved into a much more restful place. Sometimes I spent a solid three hours listening to great grace messages. Sometimes I have absolutely no radio or mp3s going at all, and yet no "prayer." Sometimes I pray a lot. A lot of times I listen to music or talk radio. The main thing is that I'm no longer "guilty" no matter which choice I make (or don't make) at any given time. There is such freedom in this, and lots of joy, and I haven't known the Lord to forsake me yet. :)

lydia joy said...

Joel,
I love the go with the flow way of living and learning and spending time with God.....if I try to set official times with the Lord I go crazy....I hate being put in a box....because I can be so literal, so black and white.....I love my freedom in Christ, it allows me to live in a constant ebb and flow of life, that seems more natural to me......