Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Performance Based Acceptance..........

Okay, so it's day late, but I am going to post a brief testimony of my life pre-grace, while still in the mire of performance based acceptance, to join in on the syncroblog. I have since learned since breaking free from the performance treadmill, ie religion/legalism/much of the modern day church, is that my greatest need all along was love and acceptance. I had spent all my life up until the summer of '07 trying to get love and acceptance whatever way I knew how. I am here to tell you about the years of my life that I sought to gain love and acceptance through my performance. Only thing is, I didn't know then what I know now, and didn't know that that is what I was after and that was how I was trying to gain acceptance. By my behavior and performance. The problem was not ultimately me all along, the problem was what I believed. 
After years of living in the world seeking for acceptance and love, of which I never truly found, I became pregnant. Unmarried and scared, the next several months were the most challenging months I ever faced. When the time came near for my son to be born, I had come to the realization that I needed God. Though I didn't fully know why at the time. I told him I knew I needed him, but I just couldn't live up to the christian life. I just couldn't do it! He told me not to worry about it, and to let Him do it for me! I realized I could live with that, and slowly opened my heart back up to him. 
Shortly after this time, I returned to church. I found my husband, got married and became committed to the church. I served and pursued growing as a christian. I took marriage classes, parenting classes, read all the recommended books, struggled to have quiet times, had accountability, and more. I thought that juggling all these plates was my duty and it was the ticket to a disciplined mature christian life. Only trouble was, I was dying on the inside. I did not have true joy, and had many struggles in my marriage. The struggles were due to the high bar we tried to hold over each other, and we both fell way short. They were exasperated by ongoing council from our pastor, which only caused more pain and turmoil. 
What happened was awful and ugly and I won't go into detail here, as I have shared parts of my testimony throughout my blog. BUT, what broke us free, was finally hearing the truth of the Gospel in it's entirety for the first time, with NO conditions. You see, I knew about grace, but I only knew about the half of it, and then mix that with still trying to apply the law and standards to my life and you have a recipe for disaster. 
It was the summer of '07 and I listened to a message by Rob Rufus. In it he explained the distinction between grace and law. And I remember at one point in the message, he shared this....he said, "I want to say, categorically............you have NO christian duties!"  WHAT!!!  The next thing I remember hearing from him, was the promise in Isaiah 54 of how God is no longer angry with us. These truths began to really set me free to receive the truth of the Gospel and God's love and acceptance for me so fully. I had finally found what I had been looking for all my life!! It was available all along, but I had not seen or been taught the truth. I had believed lies, and that had caused me to live in such a way that caused a void in me. I experienced true joy for the first time in my life!! 
I choose not to ponder the past, because He is doing a new thing in me. Each day I press on, living in the present, experiencing His presence, love and joy over me. It's an exciting and wild journey this life, based on HIS performance for me! Thanks to Jesus, I am accepted by God, and seen as He sees Christ, perfect forever, the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, holy, blameless, spotless, seated in heavenly places, as a Son and heir of God!!!

16 comments:

Dan Bowen said...

That's awesome stuff Lyd!! Wow oh wow ... must confess I've been struggling with whether to write my story or not - because frankly I don't feel like I have a "pre-grace" life. I still feel like I haven't quite "got" it yet. Rob said on Sunday that if we really "get" it then signs, wonders and miracles will be manifesting in our lives and I don't feel like they are!

So does that mean I'm still mixing law and grace a bit? Not sure! So I think I'm holding off on my story for a bit until this gets worked out!!

But its so fab reading all these testimonies.

xx

lydia said...

Hey Dan!! Oh dear..........okay, I heard that message too, and I think it's possible to interpret Rob's passion for the pure gospel of grace with signs and wonders following, in.... a well, kind of a literal way and sell ourselves short. Believe me I was tempted, and even a bit mad at Rob for saying that, at the time, but not now, I have worked it out, okay! But I honestly understand his passion!! However, I think it's unfair to say we haven't 'gotten' it. I believe this new life in Christ will manifest gradually over time, in layers, and levels of freedom will continue to come!! He, Rob, even says that, it takes time. Remember Paul, he went away on an island by himself for what, was it 3 years!! He needed time to saturate in grace!!!
To me, you are a sign and a wonder! I think that we need to clarify what signs and wonders and miracles are. Not just manifestations at one moment, or instant healings etc, but lives being transformed. People coming into their freedom in Christ and living in their true 'identity'!! Not only that but an ongoing passion for Jesus, learning to live life enjoying Him, receiving His love, and learning to live content no matter what comes our way.
Paul was more concerned with seeing Christ formed in others than he was seeing miracles, wouldn't you agree. Plus, I think Christ being formed in us, is a miracle!!!
All this to say, Dan, you are on a journey and your testimony is a gift to whoever may read it, NOW as it is, where you are at, my friend!!!
I am sure we are all mixing a bit, even Rob is!!! Don't sell yourself short and the work God has done and is doing in you!! Much love!!

Dan Bowen said...

Awww thanks!! That makes fab sense to me!! And I feel the pleasure of God at that! Time, there's no rush! Love it!

Rich said...

I had finally found what I had been looking for all my life!! It was available all along, but I had not seen or been taught the truth. I had believed lies, and that had caused me to live in such a way that caused a void in me. I experienced true joy for the first time in my life!!

Lyd,

Isn’t interesting that we have all been “taught” many truths, but the Truth seen, experienced apart from Christ is really doesn’t amount top much does it?
I love this image of Jesus coming to the boys and saying, “Hey guys wanna hear some cool truths”? But rather the Truth Himself said, “If you remain within this relationship I have called you into you will know the Truth and the Truth will continue setting/making you free!

We have ALL believed the lies the father of lies has whispered in our ears, but even this has been used of our Father to make known the sharp, distinct difference between Life verses death.

I so loved hearing of His great, stubborn, tenacious love for you Lyd, wow!

lydia said...

Dan you ARE so LOVED and He is very pleased with you!!!

Rich~

He ran across mountain tops for me!! Yippee!! And He continues to set me free with His great, stubborn, tenacious love..........what a guy!!!

Grace and peace to you!!

Jamie said...

Great post, once again, Lyds! :)

Ummm, what more is there to "get" other than Christ's life? Certainly we grow in our understanding of grace by renewing our mind but it's not as if there is something added to us...we are complete in Christ, He is complete in us. No difference. Same quality and quantity.

I'm tired of hearing the Gospel preached as if Grace is added more and more. NO! "Glory to glory" is our understanding and realization and living of who we ALREADY, REALLY ARE!!! New Creations!!

lydia said...

Lovely Jamie ~ It's so true, we have been given EVERYTHING pertaining to life and godliness, found in the very person of Christ, alive in us!! Yes, we go from glory to glory, by the constant reknewing of our minds in who we really are, AMEN!! Totally NEW!! Alive to Christ and dead to sin!!

Nick Cameron said...

You have no idea how much I appreciated finding and reading this post today!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Nick x

lydia said...

Aww............Glad this blessed you! That is the power of testimony 'eh!!

Much love
xxxxxxx

Matthew Campbell said...

"You see, I knew about grace, but I only knew about the half of it, and then mix that with still trying to apply the law and standards to my life and you have a recipe for disaster."

Exactly what Jesus said! "No one puts new wine into old wineskins. If he does, thew new wine will burst the skins and it will be spilled, and the skins will be destroyed."

"Thanks to Jesus, I am accepted by God, and seen as He sees Christ, perfect forever, the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, holy, blameless, spotless, seated in heavenly places, as a Son and heir of God!!!"

Exactly right! And yet, this is Christianity 101 and hardly anyone really experiences it! Oh, they know it alright, but do they really believe? Nah, it's just something we tell 'em to get 'em in the club. Bait, so-to-speak. And once we got 'em, we tell them how much they ought to be doing in order to get to the NEXT level. Even though the Bible says there are no levels in Christianity. "They shall ALL know Me, from the least of them to the greatest."

What else can you say? You can't force anyone or convince anyone. They just have to be crazy enough to believe.

Nick Cameron said...

Matthew - Just gotta say I love that phrase in your comment 'there are no levels in Christianity' - this is liberating stuff guys - thanks for helping me in my journey from legalism to grace! Nick

lydia said...

Yeah, maturity is nothing more than a natural growing out of knowing who we are, just like a child becomes a teen and a teen an adult. It's bound to happen, if we live in WHO WE REALLY ARE!!!!

Glad to see you are getting more set free Nick!! That is worth celebrating!! Yahoo!!!

The Lewis Family said...

"I had finally found what I had been looking for all my life!!"

- ha ha - those are the exact words Dan and I used when we truly saw what Jesus has done for us! In fact, Dan called up his parents and said those same words to his parents - who were quite bewildered by it all. . .

That's it, isn't it! Finally finding what your heart has been longing for all this time!

lydia said...

Cool Becky!! It sounds like the words of a song 'eh..........U2 perhaps, only "I finally have found, what I'm looking for!"

Woohoo!!!

Joel B. said...

As usual, I'm very behind on getting caught up with everyone, and really I think it's an impossibility... LOL... but I was just taking part in a conversations about signs and wonders (discussion called "Outpourings?") over on Grace Revolution and it reminded me that I'd read this post of yours and the comments but hadn't commented yet.

In short... I love your testimony here, Lydia! My goodness, I can relate to all the classes, books, accountability, struggle for quiet times, etc, etc, etc!!! Isn't it such FREEDOM to be out of all that bondage! And I love what you say about pressing on, living in the present, not focusing on the past. Indeed all we have is "now," "today," and that's where we live! I've realized that I really only spent a relatively short time in legalism, but man it gets to ingrained in you, and the way to really overcome and have victory is to focus on what is and not on what was!

As for the signs and wonders in the comments here... what I said over on Grace Revolution is that I think there is perhaps an undue or inappropriate focus on signs and wonders in certain circles, and when people don't experience certain things it leaves them thinking that they're missing out on something --- such as the gospel itself or the Holy Spirit Himself!

They feel that there's something that's incomplete about their salvation or about God's grace at work in them, all because they haven't experienced these various signs and wonders. To me, that's sad because that's not what life in Christ is all about. I don't discount legitimate miracles, signs and wonders, but there is something far more important and something that is far more an expression of the life of Christ in us... and that is "faith expressing itself through love" (Gal 5:6).

Is the life of Christ in us causing miracles, signs and wonders to follow me? To me, it doesn't matter because all I want is for the life of Christ in me to express itself in love toward others! That's Life to me! That's what I want to grow in.

Matthew Campbell said...

It's cool you began to understand grace the same time I did. Twin grace babies! =D