Testimony time.........

Years ago, I gave my testimony on stage at my home church, telling of how God captured my heart for Himself, despite myself. Problem was, my testimony wasn't really well told back then. Back then, I thought it was a miracle that, despite my past and the trials I faced due to my 'rebellion', I was now 'living' for God again. Basically, my testimony was shared to say, 'see how God turned my life around, and now I am back in church serving him and living my life for him'. At the time, I honestly believed, I had been rescued from a life of sin and rebellion and had now returned to God. Kinda like the prodigal son. Only thing was, I wasn't returning to the Father like the one in the story of the prodigal. Well, essentially I was, but I soon realized the God I was being taught about was not like the Father with open arms ready to throw a party for me and give me His finest robes and signet ring. It was more like once I got back initially the arms were open wide, but after awhile, they were folded across His chest and He was tapping His foot at me. So, here I was 'restored' to God, yet stuck. I was essentially the same person, except that now I zealously went to church and tried to practice godly living and disciplines. 

Well, today I'd like to remedy that poorly told tale. In case there is anyone else out there who has decided to run home from the pigpen like me. I would simply want you to know the God, I know now. The God, who has always been the same. Who has always had nothing but love and acceptance for me. I just didn't know it. Maybe you don't either.

I grew up in the church. From a wee babe to a young adult. Christian school too. As a young adult I began to want to see the world, the world outside of the walls of Christianity. I wasn't afraid to explore, but unfortunately there were those who were afraid of me getting sucked into a 'lost' and wicked world. Well, the world was way more welcoming to me than I had formerly believed and soon I was enjoying my freedom from all the restrictions Christianity placed upon me. Years went by and I found myself pregnant and not married. This was the one thing I had always said wouldn't happen to me. But it did. If only I could describe the shame and guilt that I experienced back then, but I am sure that would depress anyone. My whole world began to crash down around me. I lost friends. I lost everything. I was cornered into a pit of despairing and there was only one place to turn. Towards the end of my pregnancy, after the decision to parent my child was made, I had a debate with God that went like this. 

"God, I know I need you, but I can't do it! I can't do this christian life, I just can't do it!" 

I knew I couldn't live up to all those standards that I had believed were part of what it meant to be a christian. I didn't even want to. He lovingly reassured me;

"You don't have to do it! I will!!" 

Me, with a bit of surprise and relief; "Well, then if that's the case, then I am all yours!!" 

Wow! This was freeing to me! Just in time, too,  for me to enjoy the birth of my precious son. I still felt quite weak and frightened, but clung to the hope in the words He spoke to my heart. It wasn't long after that, that I found a church to attend. Thinking this was the first step to my new life in Him, I began to get involved. I slowly began to enjoy myself and let go of fear, and began to read my Bible and enjoy worshipping Him in freedom. Unfortunately, this did not last too long because I slowly got all bound back up again by the same things I had been bound by before. Standards, principles, expectations, fear, and this time a greater consciousness of sin than ever before in my life. I somehow thought and was taught this was holy living. Let me tell you, it slowly sucked all the life and joy right back out of me. 

What I wish had happened then, was that I remained in my freedom, my childlike joy and trust that God would hold me and keep me. Somehow I knew that was true in my head, but in my heart I could not understand this truth. Deep down I felt like a failure again. I didn't feel like I knew God anymore and I was saddened because I had just started to get to know Him. He felt distant, though He was not. He was always right with me and beckoning me to draw near, but the veil was over my eyes and I couldn't see or hear Him calling out to me. What had happened was, I was being taught that my heart was deceitful. I was constantly being taught all kinds of principles for godly living. How to be a better wife, mother, lover, home-maker, friend, servant, witness and so on. Day in and day out, I felt guilty if I did not have a quiet time. And the list goes on. 

I wish someone had told me the truth. That the Gospel was way better than I thought and that God is not angry with me. I wish I had heard the truth about how I was no longer under the supervision of the law. I wish I heard that I was more than just forgiven, and that I know had a completely new life! I wish someone had told me to rest and abide in the amazing love of God and that nothing I ever do will seperate me from His love. I wish that someone had told me, God isn't trying to still fix me, or sanctify me, but that He has made me perfect forever. That He finished the work that needed to be done, so I could live in a perfect unity with my God and Father. That He is no longer counting my sins against me and remembering them no more!! 

The truth all along was that I had not truly rebelled against God back when I strayed from church and into the world. I had rebelled against religion. I had rebelled against the self-righteous church life and legalism. I ran away from that, because it was not attractive to me. Once I heard God tell me I didn't have to live right, but that He would live for me, I perked right up! I thought now this is a God I can come to! 

God is not the god that religion and most of christianity paints Him to be. Don't fall for that god! Run into the arms of the One who did it all! The One who all along was looking from a far and waiting for you. The One who runs with arms outstretched no matter what you have done, or where you are coming from. The One who will clothe you with His royal robes of righteousness (not your own) and give you His very name and inheritance! The One who will throw the hugest party ever as you return from the sty. Not only that, but a God who dealt with the 'old' me and made me new. By giving me a brand new nature, HIS!! 

That is my real testimony. I found out that all along God had always loved me despite how I lived my life. God always wanted me, despite the fact that I slept around. God chose to call me righteous, because He gave me a gift of righteousness, despite the fact that I had lived in sin for so long. He chose to call me His own and to place me in Christ and seat me with Him in Heavenly Places, despite that fact that I had been living in the muck and mire. This great God and Father, will never condemn me, will never point out my faults and will love me ridiculously and lavishly no matter what!! Hallelujah! 

Now don't you wish someone told you about this truly awesome amazing loving God long ago?That's why I am sharing it now! He wants to live through you too! Not you living for Him, but Christ in YOU! Alive and living only the life He could live!! Grace and peace to all who read here.....................!!

A form of godliness that denies the power.....

For quite some time I have had this phrase swirling through my mind....." a form of godliness that denies the power." (2 Tim. 3:5) This verse sums up most of my Christian experience. Christians, myself included, that seek godliness, but don't know or live in the power of God. The bible says .."avoid such people." Wow!!  It almost seems to say that there is no point to being a Christian, if we don't experience God's power.(my interpretation here, feel free to disagree) I mean should there even be a Christianity that is simply just learning how to be more holy and pursuing godly ways of doing things?  Without His power we simply are denying the truth of His word and the Gospel. When the Gospel is preached, truly truly, there should be evidence of people getting saved, healed - signs and wonders should follow the one true Gospel of the New Testament. Paul says to the Corinthians, when I came and proclaimed the mysteries of God, I didn't do it with lofty speech or wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of man, but in the power of God. (1 Cor. 2:1-5)  I wonder what exactly he meant by "in demonstration of the Spirit and of power"?  I simply can't ignore these kinds of verses any longer. Jesus also always preached and demonstrated in power God's love and desire to heal all who He touched. Everywhere He went, He taught and healed the sick, raised the dead, cast out demons and set the captives free.  Why is it that modern Christianity does not look like the Christianity of the Bible? Why are people so skeptical of the Lakeland Revival and the outpourings of the Spirit's power going on there? Do we not read our Bibles and believe the whole thing? For me, a lot of it has been naivety, a lot of it has been a wrong focus when I did study my bible and some was the teaching I received and believed to be true, that never once taught me about the power of God or understanding the Holy Spirit's job in the life of a believer. A lot of my own issues were fear of man or seeking approval of people. That truly was a fetter keeping me back from moving on in the things God truly has for my life. But, thankfully, the Spirit will lead us into all truth, as we seek to be led and are hungry for God and long to know Him at a deeper level. And He is truly doing this in my life!! Hebrews 2, talks about  Without His Holy Spirit working in us and through us we cannot generate genuine fruit. Real fruit comes from the inside out. Not from applying biblical standards and disciplining ourselves, etc, etc. - but is the priority of our whole life to be focused on our own walks or on the big picture, seeking first the kingdom of God, seeing the lost saved, the captives set free, the cripples walking, the blind eyes opened. This was Jesus main ministry!  

Last night Todd Bentley preached a wonderful message at the revival. He has come under much criticism and last night shared that people want to know why he wasn't preaching the gospel. He went on to share that the gospel is not just preaching a message, but it demonstrates the power! The same "method", that Jesus Christ and Paul the apostle used. He preached the on the Lord's prayer and gave a compelling message( which unfortunately I did not take notes and eventually fell asleep before hearing the whole thing), that we should pray thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. On earth as it is in heaven. What is it like in heaven? Well go look in your Bibles and study up on what heaven is like, and then you will know what to pray for. The kingdom of heaven is at hand, it is for now. We do not have to wait for the whole shebang until we die and go to be with our Lord. God wants us to bring heaven down to earth and invade it for His Kingdom and for His glory!! 

Another thing, what does salvation mean anyway, does it simply mean you are forgiven of your sins, which that in itself is amazing?! Salvation in the Greek is sozo, which means healing, provision, wholeness and preservation. By His stripes we are healed. Not just from the power of sin, but from sickness and poverty and emotional deprivation! Folks this salvation we have is far more amazing than we realize. I want to live in it! No longer do I simply want to pursue a form of godliness that denies the power of God in my life!!